Hello, bitches. How's it been? I know it's been like a year since I updated my blog but I need to updated it since my heart is kind of hurt again. YOU DIRTY ASS MOTHERFUCKER. Every time. I repeat, EVERY TIME you try to flirt with someone it's always someone that I know. Fuck you. And its always when I'm around. Like what is your motive man? Okay, you don't like me. You told me to give up. You confess to everyone that the person that is currently liking you should just give up and look for someone else. Okay fine. I try to give up on you. I try to stay away from you. I try to act normal around you. I try to be your friend slash twin slash best buddies but WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING MAKING A FLIRTY MOVE IN FRONT OF ME?!


Is that one of your thinking to make me move on? Fucker, think again. You think I can move on from you just like that? You think I don't care about you? Didn't think about you anymore? Didn't notice the stare you gave them? The way you smile gently at them while talking to them. The way you joke with them and get closer to them. You think I didn't notice the way you behave around me after that heart-breaking session. The way you avoid me. The way you look at me now. The way you treated me was never once the same as before. Why? Am I that horrid to you that you can't even treat me the same way like before. You told me to just be myself, just like before. But. But you were never the same. Is it my fault that I make it that obvious? Is it my fault that I like you? It's even a miracle that I like you even though you're short and dark. Why are doing this to me? Why?


I spend a year in despair trying to forget over you. A year of crying endless sleep every time you flirt with our friends. A year of just asking people advice on should I move on from you or not. A year of getting treated like second shit  being with you. It was fucking hell. Mental hell I tell you. But until now,  survived. Fitness of the fit. Haha some people told me I kind of move on from you. Really? Heart, do I really move on? Brain, do I really forget about him? Have I really really move on from him? Eve my fingers constantly grab his phone just to play with him. Is that moving on? I haven't even once been in a relationship since I was 15 years old and the first love that I though was serious is going down the drain like a wastage of baked cookies slowly entering the drain of never finding love. Even now, when it's the time of your birthday and mine I never got excited like back then when I first known you.

This year I'm like "FUCK YOU AND YOUR BIRTHDAY THIS YEAR! IT'S A FUCKING FUCKED UP YEAR OF CRYING JUST BECAUSE OF YOU. I FUCKING CUT MY FUCKING HAIR BECAUSE OF YOU. FUCK IT!" Now, my feelings are like 50-50 hate love disgust you. Fuck you man. I even to lazy to know about your life now. What you like. What you dislike. What is your problem. What is your current being. When a woman totally gives up on you, even if you're lying there bleeding to dead. She would not even care about you. But frankly, I have set up a goals of confessing to you on the day of our graduation ceremony. It's better to confess than to bottle it up and regret it for life. I got another 2 more year till we graduate. Maybe by that time, I may have entirely move on or still having a tiny bit of hope that you will accept me. We got another 2 years on whether I still love you or not or you finally accept my love or not. There are 4 possibility to that events. Which one is true? Let's find out 2 years in the future.

« Older posts